Briland

On my way to my beloved Harbour Island next week. Couldn't be happier. I took this picture last year at sunrise. The BF inexplicably keeps pronouncing Briland, which rhymes with island, as Brieland, which we decided is due to his love of cheese.  Have a good weekend!

Barcelona Doesn't Suck!

Barcelona at night.

After our 4 day wine-drinking bender in Bordeaux, it was time to bid France adieu and head for Spain. It was a quick flight on Vueling airlines From Bordeaux to Barcelona- an hour or so. We grabbed a cab and were in the city centre in no time.  Our hotel, the Catalonia Port, was in a great location, central to the Barri Gòtic, el born, and, of course, the port.  We were also really close to the legendary ramblas.  After settling in, we decided to go for a walk up these famous streets.  And we hated it! So tacky and touristy... it was like the worst parts of Times Square, but with more pickpockets and costlier food.  Yes, there is a cool, if jam-packed, food market, but the rest of it is just so terrible.  Since we were both so underwhelmed, we didn't walk the whole way, but went back to our hotel to get ready for a late dinner.

By then, I was dreading spending more time in this city.  If that was the highlight, I might as well just grab my Kindle and go sit by the pool.

Girls Who Wear Glasses

KRAMER: Hey. (to Elaine) Oh, I just saw your old boyfriend on TV.

ELAINE: Egh, Jake Jarmel?

KRAMER: Yeah. I really liked those glasses he was wearing. Where'd he get those.

ELAINE: Why? You don't wear glasses.

KRAMER: I know, I know. But I need a new look, I'm stagnating.

GEORGE: I have to say, as a glasses wearer I take exception to that. That's like
me buying a wheelchair to cruise around in!

Doesn't she look brainy?

I had braces for 3 years.  That may give you some idea of how out of whack my teeth were as an adolescent.  My dad used to say I could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence.  Even with good insurance, he still referred to my braces as "the trip to Hawaii."  I had them removed just a few weeks into high school.  I was perfect, for about a month.

Then, one day in math class, my teacher asked me to do the problem written on the blackboard.  "There's something written on the blackboard?" I said, which was both smart-ass and true.  I couldn't see a damn thing on it.  So, off I went for an eye exam, and, sure enough, I needed glasses.  I was not pleased.  Hipsters hadn't yet been spawned by the devil, and the only people who wore glasses were nerds and old people.

Vegan Chocolate Cake

Well, it's here.  As soon as the jack-o-lanterns have turned to mush and the poppy is off my lapel, it's Christmas season. Normally, this is where I up my butter intake to truly heroic levels, but I think I will try to limit my intake this year. That being said, I present to you below a  wicked chocolate cake recipe, and it's vegan!  No eggs, no butter (just a bit of canola oil), but yes, there's sugar and flour.  This is adapted from Mollie Katzen's children's cookbook Honest Pretzels.  It doesn't need icing, but if you add some buttercream,  Stella McCartney will hate you.

Vegan Chocolate Cake

In a glass 8 or 9 " square pan, mix together 

1 1/4 cup flour

1 cup sugar

1/3 cup good cocoa

1/2 tsp salt

3/4 tsp baking soda

Make 4 dents in the mixture- 2 big, and 2 small.

Pour into the dents

 1 cup water 

1/3 cup canola oil

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp white vinegar

Mix until it's all smooth and combined.

Lick batter off of spatula shaped like a finger (optional).

Bake 30 minutes, cool in pan, and sprinkle with icing sugar.  Mmmmm.

FNGs in NYC

The Red Rooster, in Harlem.  And no, you don't need to be a girl to be a Friday Night Girl!

How have I not posted anything about my beloved Friday Night Girls before?

The Classy Drunk, Part I: Chateau du Tailhas

Jean-Luc's ancient vines. Merlot grapes,  Paul Giamatti was wrong!!

In the past 8 years, I have visited Champagne, in France (twice), the Chianti/Brunello region of Italy (three times), Napa Valley in California, and most recently,  we went back to France for Bordeaux.  Do you see a pattern here? It looks like I plan my vacations at the LCBO.

Magnificent Facilities

"Anywhere in the city, I can tell you the best public toilet."
"OK.  Fifty-fourth and Sixth"
"Sperry Rand Building, 14th floor.  Morgan Apparel. Mention my name, she'll give you the key."
"Alright; Sixty-fifth and Tenth."
"Are you kidding?  Lincoln Center, Alice Tully Hall, the Met- magnificent facilities!"

Ritz Paris.  Tres bien.

There are 2 kinds of people in the world- those who are constantly searching for bathrooms, and those who aren't.  Sadly, I fall into the first category.  I'm also a bit of a germophobe, so I'm not looking for just anywhere, if you know what I mean.  I'm sure there's an app for this, and I probably should have invented it.  Then again, who wants to give away the locations all the good bathrooms, oops, sorry America, I mean restrooms? Luckily for me, this blog has approximately zero readers, so I can post the best options without fear of them being overrun.

Although I have never had the pleasure of using George Kostanza's recommendations, I am certainly a connoisseur in my own right.  On our most recent trip to New York, I would say the Waldorf was useful in midtown.  The restrooms were clean and easily accessible, and bore remnants of their art deco glory days.  You could almost picture the women of The Women gossiping and catfighting in there.  The biggest surprise, however, was the McDonald's at Union Square.  New, well stocked, and as clean as anywhere else I'd seen in the city.  McD's can be hit-or-miss; there are a few here in Toronto I wouldn't use on a bet, and I've been to The Subway Inn!

The Subway Inn.  NOT magnificent facilities!

Years ago, I discovered the restrooms in Bryant Park behind the Public Library. Since they were basically outdoors, I figured they'd be on par with a gas station in the bad part of Buffalo (yup- been there), but I discovered polished wood, an attendant, and fresh flowers.  A happy surprise indeed.

In Toronto,  the current downtown champion is the Shangri- La Hotel.  New, expansive, and pristine. If you're in the mood to shop, go uptown to Yorkdale.  It's an ever-expanding retail heaven, and the new facilities there would not be out of place at the French embassy.

Speaking of France, in Paris, the Ritz Hotel was my favourite pit stop, but it's closed for a massive renovation.  When it reopens, the security will probably be tightened, keeping the likes of me out on the street.  What I liked about the Ritz is that the toilets were sort of hidden; the doors were glass walls, and you had to know where to push.  Once you got inside, though, you were rewarded.  With Parisian hotels, the secret is to be dressed well and act like you own the place, then you can confidently barge past the doorman.  This tactic worked for me a few years ago at the Crillon, after massive Champagne consumption on an empty stomach had me stopping every few blocks on the walk back to our hotel.

Let's face it- facilities may start out magnificent, but it's the way people use them that determines if they stay that way. I'm looking at you, hoverers.

Ladies, when you hover, you make more of a mess than if you just sat your ass on the seat, so clean it up!  What kills me is that these are the bitches who are all "Ooh, public toilet seats are dirty", but they leave the bathroom looking like someone shook up and opened a can of ginger ale in there.  Gross.  You are gross.

Sometimes I'll enter a stall and immediately spin around in horror.  I have seen things in the restrooms at work where I literally cannot figure out what configuration you'd have to take with your body to get the result you left behind.  It'd take a CSI team to figure it out.

Of course, when all else fails, just look for a Starbucks.  I think that the purchase of a Starbucks beverage enters you into a covenant with the entire chain, allowing you bathroom privileges worldwide.  They have the balls to charge me $4 for a black tea lemonade;  the least they can do is hand over the key when I need it.